Family Fun

When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead. It isn’t.
If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible [...]

10. Any house that seems to be imploding into a hole in the ground.
9. Any house made of gingerbread.
8. Any house that has ornamental lawn Hell Hounds.
7. Any house whose only entrance is through the basement.
6. Any house where all the windows are glowing with eerie green light.
5. Any house that keeps growling, “Get out”
4. [...]

What does a monster call a girl who has three heads, nine eyes and six arms?
Cute!
What do you call someone who puts poison in a person’s corn flakes?
A cereal killer
Knock knock! Who’s there?
Boo!
Boo Who?
Ah, don’t cry, Halloween is just around the corner!
How does a monster count to 11?
On his fingers.
What do you say to a [...]

What type of music do ghosts prefer?
Spirituals, of course.
What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer.
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
“Don’t spook until you’re spooken to.”
What do little ghosts drink?
Evaporated milk.
What do you get when you bite a ghost
A mouth full of sheet
When do ghosts usually appear?
Just [...]

Do witches stay home on weekends?
No. They go away for a spell
How do you make a witch scratch?
Take away her “W”
When a witch lands, where does she park?
In a broom closet.
What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
She flies off the handle.
What happens when a flying witch breaks the sound barrier?
You hear the [...]

How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
By blood vessels.
What are a vampire’s favorite snacks?
Adam’s apples and nectarines.
What did the Mommy Vampire say to the Baby Vampire?
“You are driving me batty.”
What do you get if you cross a vampire bat and a mummy?
A flying band-aid, or a gift-wrapped bat.
What do you give a vampire with [...]

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood
and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began pestering
him about where he got it.
He told them to knock it off and let him get some sleep but they [...]

Three vampires went into a bar and sat down.
The barmaid came over to take their orders. “And what would you, er,
gentlemen like tonight?”
The first vampire said, “I’ll have a mug of blood.”
The second vampire said, “I’ll have a mug of blood.”
The third vampire shook his head at his companions and said, “I will
have a glass [...]

When does a skeleton laugh?
When something tickles his funny bone.
Why don’t skeletons like parties?
They have no body to dance with.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body
What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone appetite !
Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day?
It’s good for the bones
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He [...]

Q: What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?
A: A wash and wear wolf
Q: Mommy, Mommy, the kids all call me a werewolf.
A: Never mind, dear, now go and comb your face.
Q: What if you crossed a rabbit with a wolf?
A: You’d get a harewolf.
Q: What would you get if you [...]